J.A.B.

So, we've decided to move and we're getting pretty excited about it. Now, our attention has turned to our pooch Jab. He's got another bad ear infection. We've already taken him to two different vets three different times. The first vet said he had ear mites and gave us a ear solution ($80+ visit). But, the problem didn't go away. The 2nd vet said he had an ear infection. Gave him a shot, give us antibiotics to give him, and two different ear solutions ($200+ visit). We followed all the directions and he was really improving and doing better for awhile. Then we started to notice that every time he'd get excited he'd start to shake his head. So, we took him back to the vet and we were told that sometimes dogs with floppy ears can have chronic ear problems. And he just had "problem ears". So, now even thou Jeremy is cleaning his ears 2-3 times a week the problem seems to be back bad again.

     We just don't know what to do. We of course want to take him to another vet... a better vet. Not some discount mini-mall vet like last time. But, even that visit was $200+ dollars. We just don't have the extra fundage right now. It's terrible. I feel like a horrible pet owner. Part of me says I should find another home for him, one that can afford to take care of his chronic ear problem. But, a bigger part of me says no way. He's the sweetest, best trained, most wonderful dog. I don't wanna loose him as my pup. Plus, he's great with Logan and I can't wait to watch them grow together.
Jab never whines or complains but with all the head shaking I know it's just driving him CRAZY. I really wish we could make this just go away. :(

To move or not to move....??



Us at our Current Rental House that we Love

 So, as I've already vented we're having some problems keeping up on our bills. Luckily our landlords have been pretty cool about it. However one can only be cool for so long when it comes to money.
  Jeremy's boss Dustin has a house very very close to the shop they work at. He has a house with a fully furbished basement. Recently it became available and he told Jeremy he'd like us to move in. It's the same size or bigger than our current place. 2 bedrooms a media room, kitchen, living, laundry closet, full bath, and fully fenced back yard. Also Dustin lives upstairs and has a dog himself. So, our pups could have fun playing together.

We currently pay $1000 a month for rent. Nothing included. Just rent. The basement would be $900 a month EVERYTHING included. W/S/G, heat, electricity, cable, Internet. It would save us upwards of $300 a month.

Our current place has old Berber carpet. The new place has brand new nice carpet. The media room comes furnished with a 62" tv, surround sound, and computer. I love our current kitchen so much. The new place has a much smaller kitchen than I'd like. With a half size stove.. I mean, we would literally have to cut Papa Murphy's pizza's in half to cook them.

Dustin and Jeremy work together and Dustin doesn't like the idea that we only have one vehicle and Jeremy takes it to work everyday, leaving me at home with the baby and no transportation. Dustin said him and Jeremy would commute to work together. Which would also save us some money on gas. Also, if Jeremy had short days he could take a work truck back home.

Lastly, I informed Dustin of our current rent situation and how understanding our landlords have been. Dustin said, not only would he also be cool and understanding and not do any late charges or anything.... But, being Jeremy's boss he would pretty much guarantee that Jeremy got hours so there wouldn't be a problem paying rent.

I'm on the fence. We already have storage issues, and this place has even less storage.
Moving sucks. Period. The next time we moved I was hoping to move to a larger place to prepare for a 2nd baby. Yet, the pro's are really good. Saving $300 + a month is pretty much our car payment. Plus, the bonus of more hours and carpooling to work......

I don't know what to do?

Any thoughts or advice??

Been in a Funk

I've been in some sort of funk lately that I just can't seem to shake. I'm always the one who tries to stay so positive for our family's sake. Always saying, "Don't worry we'll make it through.. we always do...". But, it doesn't mean I am not stressing too. And when your landlord sends you a 3 day pay or vacate notice instead of a Christmas card things get really heavy.
We knew going into this new job for Jeremy it would be slow to start. But, damn. I am at least grateful he has a job he really likes, and that he's proud of. I guess my funk started with the hopes of my new weekend job slipping away. I came off so confident about it. I was sure I had it. But, it was just a working interview and when I called back to see if I was supposed to be back this weekend they said they had another working interview to do and they'd call me back.
The daycare thing is great. But, I just have 1 baby 20-26 hours a week. That's not bringing in much money. However it is bringing in about how much I would bring home if I worked full time and had Logan in daycare full time.
I just feel like our hole keeps getting deeper and deeper and I just don't know how we're gonna get out of it. It's scary. I try and tell myself there are many people going through these hard times in this economic depression. I guess it's just hard to feel like you're not doing the best by your baby. We don't even have a Christmas tree, and the only present we have for Logan is some used baby clothes. I'm glad he's too young to realize what's going on and I really hope we have our shit together before he's old enough to realize it. Hopefully one day it's something we just look back on and laugh. "Boy times we're tough for us in the begining...".
It's just damn depressing.

Sleeping Arrangements

Since we brought Logan home from the Hospital he's either slept in our bed or in a bassinet next to our bed. I would've liked to do some more bed sharing but, I was more nervous about Jeremy in the bed then myself. He even accidentally elbowed Logan in the head one time. The bassinet was nice thou cause I could just sit up and see him right there next to me. Being able to make sure he didn't have blankets over his face and that he was breathing.

I didn't know when I would be ready to let him sleep in his own crib and his own room. It's such a comfort to have him within arms reach and to be able to just swoop him up and feed him right in bed when we're both tired.

Recently Logan got a little cold and the congestion had him up every 1-2 hours. Even after he was recovered he was still getting up frequently. Possibly because he still needed extra nutrients to get over his cold.

Also, he started moving and making a lot more little noises in his sleep which were constantly getting me up. When Daddy's alarm clock when off in the morning, that would get Logan up.
Finally I felt ready..I thought it might be time.. for both of us.. to let Logan sleep in his very own crib in his very own room.

The first night was rough! Not for Logan... for Mommy. I had a terrible dream that I left Logan home alone because one of my neighbors was gonna come over and check on him. But, the neighbor was gone and no matter what I did I couldn't get back home. I kept running into problems. So, I was calling everyone I could to see if they could go over and check on him. I finally made it home and my brother was kneeling over his lifeless body. I woke up in a panic. Threw the blankets off and ran into Logan's room. Picked him right up and held him and kissed him.

  How silly. Maybe I wasn't quite ready yet? The nights since have been great. He's been sleeping 5-7 hours before waking up for a feeding. We're both sleeping better and we're well rested and happy. I think it helps him too cause he's learning to comfort himself back to sleep. Making him a little more independent. In fact he's taken to sucking his thumb. I'm so proud of my big boy.

Logan is not going to be a big brother....yet

Logan had an appointment on Friday at his new Dr. It's the doc he's been assigned to from the Community Health Plan. It's nice cause it's super close.
WIC advised me earlier in the day I could get my birth control prescription refilled at his appointment.
The Doc was fine to do it but, said she would need to pee test me first just to make sure. I thought nothing of it. Then the nurse walked in the room with a concerning look on her face! I thought maybe she was messing with me. Then she looked from me to the Dr and said "Um....there's two lines. I mean, the 2nd line is like super light.. but, still....there's two". I couldn't do anything but nervous laugh... it MUST be a joke I thought.
Then they blood tested me to make sure. They said the results would be in Monday morning.
So, I went home and fell into Jeremy's arms bawling. His first reaction was that something was wrong with our baby. "Cassie.. hey, what's wrong?? Caaassssie...talk me please... what's wrong.. what happened?" "I might be PREGNANT." I howled.
     "Is that all?? It's okay...why are you crying??" "Cause I MIGHT BE PREGNANT! I don't wanna be pregnant yet." hello!
His thoughts were.. well, if we are it is what it is and if there is another baby in there we gotta take care of it and be happy.

All weekend I wondered and waited. I knew that my body was just NOT ready to go thru another pregnancy and labor. Plus, that would make our babies be about 13 months apart. Ridiculous. Not to mention the financial aspect. And most of all I was really depressed that I would be done making babies so soon. I loved being pregnant, and I totally LOVE having a baby. And of course we want Logan to be a big brother.. ONE DAY. That day is just not yet. Jeremy wants two and strictly TWO babies. So, the thought that my babies would be so close in age and I would be done with babies so soon really made me sad. Also, I knew it was not fair to Logan. He's our baby and he totally deserves his own time in the limelight. We would like about a two year age difference. It would also mean "missing out" on another summer. No traveling.. no camping.. no nothing once again cause of caring for a newborn.
So, whew boy am I relieved.
I was also worried what people might think of me. How my family may react. How irresponsible to get pregnant so soon. I am so grateful to just be a mommy of ONE for now.
Jeremy was dead set that if we had a boy he would name him Renegade Sly Betts. So...like I said THANK GOODNESS WE'RE NOT PREGNANT.

Doin the daycare thang

So, I needed to bring a little money into the household. Looking at our financial situation there was I few options I could pursue. I could try and go back to work full time. Meaning I would need to put Logan into full time day care, stressing about being away from him, worrying about getting him to take a bottle, being sad, and bringing home about $500-$800 a month after gas and daycare costs. Or I could only work on the weekends when Jeremy was home. Which still meant worrying about bottle feeding and having to pump on the job. Boo. And still looking to bring in just $400-$700 a month.

Or I could take the same route my mom took when my bro and I were babies and run a little daycare out of my own home! Ding Ding Ding. I put an ad on craigslist and talked to my sis about what's fair to charge for a home day care. I didn't get a lot of bites at first and the lady I met with initially just wanted a few sporadic days to be covered when she didn't have family to watch her daughter.

   But, the next momma I met with was a perfect fit! First time mom, just like me. And approaches childcare for her daughter the same way I would for Logan. She keeps using me more and more, and always tells me how much her and her daughter love me. It can be a little tiring watching two babies but, I feel so great that I am now bringing in a little money. Not only that I get to be home all day with my sweet little Logan. I get to nurse him and care for him and witness all his special silly moments. I am soooo happy. Being a mom.. a stay at home mom.. was what I was meant for.

Times they are a changin'

So, it's been almost 12 weeks since I've had to work... at a 'job'. Not that I haven't worked. I've been working at the hardest job I've ever had, as a stay at home mom. Too bad it doesn't pay the bills. We haven't been doing too bad thou. But, now we're falling behind. We're short on rent, short on the car payment, and medical bills just keep coming in.
  It wouldn't be too bad if Jeremy weren't getting garnished $400 a month for an old medical bill.

 We knew it was time to make some changes. Keren, Jeremy's pseudo mom, said she could maybe get him a job working with her company. Sure enough she set up the contacts and he now has a job as a roofer! It's going to be hard work. But, it comes with a significant pay raise. Unfortunately roofers don't really work much in the rain.
  So, I am no longer able to stay home all the time. I need to go back to my Reception job at Restaurant Depot on weekends when Jeremy will be home with Logan. **
   I'm not the kind of mom who can't wait to go back to work. I am not desperately seeking adult interaction. I'm not looking for a break. I love being a mom. I love being home with my son everyday. I love the fact that he has been nothing but breast fed since birth. I am going to miss him so very much when I am away from him all day. And although I will pump and he will still be able to have my milk when I'm away, it saddens me that he will have to drink from a bottle, which might affect our length of breastfeeding.

    Not only that but, now I found out that when I go back my wonderful boss will no longer be there. I have no idea what I am going to be going back into.

   So, yes times are defiantly changing and as usual we're rolling with the punches. Our motto has been for some time now, "We'll make it through we always do." and it's true.

**So, I had literally JUST written this blog and had it sitting on the computer waiting to be published when I get a call from Restaurant Depot. I am told that the weekend schedule I worked out with Bob is not being accepted and that I return full time M-F or not at all. So, who knows what's in store for me. But, for now I will take it as a sign that I am not meant to go back to work just yet.