Logan had an appointment on Friday at his new Dr. It's the doc he's been assigned to from the Community Health Plan. It's nice cause it's super close.
WIC advised me earlier in the day I could get my birth control prescription refilled at his appointment.
The Doc was fine to do it but, said she would need to pee test me first just to make sure. I thought nothing of it. Then the nurse walked in the room with a concerning look on her face! I thought maybe she was messing with me. Then she looked from me to the Dr and said "Um....there's two lines. I mean, the 2nd line is like super light.. but, still....there's two". I couldn't do anything but nervous laugh... it MUST be a joke I thought.
Then they blood tested me to make sure. They said the results would be in Monday morning.
So, I went home and fell into Jeremy's arms bawling. His first reaction was that something was wrong with our baby. "Cassie.. hey, what's wrong?? Caaassssie...talk me please... what's wrong.. what happened?" "I might be PREGNANT." I howled.
"Is that all?? It's okay...why are you crying??" "Cause I MIGHT BE PREGNANT! I don't wanna be pregnant yet." hello!
His thoughts were.. well, if we are it is what it is and if there is another baby in there we gotta take care of it and be happy.
All weekend I wondered and waited. I knew that my body was just NOT ready to go thru another pregnancy and labor. Plus, that would make our babies be about 13 months apart. Ridiculous. Not to mention the financial aspect. And most of all I was really depressed that I would be done making babies so soon. I loved being pregnant, and I totally LOVE having a baby. And of course we want Logan to be a big brother.. ONE DAY. That day is just not yet. Jeremy wants two and strictly TWO babies. So, the thought that my babies would be so close in age and I would be done with babies so soon really made me sad. Also, I knew it was not fair to Logan. He's our baby and he totally deserves his own time in the limelight. We would like about a two year age difference. It would also mean "missing out" on another summer. No traveling.. no camping.. no nothing once again cause of caring for a newborn.
So, whew boy am I relieved.
I was also worried what people might think of me. How my family may react. How irresponsible to get pregnant so soon. I am so grateful to just be a mommy of ONE for now.
Jeremy was dead set that if we had a boy he would name him Renegade Sly Betts. So...like I said THANK GOODNESS WE'RE NOT PREGNANT.
Hey the very first thing I have to say is WHY would anyone think badly of you?? Two people who love and cherish each other, totally dedicated to each other, creating a life is BEAUTIFUL.
ReplyDeleteI understand your stress and worry, your fear of not being ready, but I also agree with Jeremy that if you are/were pregnant, it is what it is.
Take deep breaths, sweetie, and sometimes you just have to take life as it comes. I love you!
It's just with our current financial situation and struggling to get by on one income. Being on food stamps.. I thought "People will think we're sooo irresponsible". It wasn't at the top of my worry list. It was a silly thought. But, just one of the things that crossed my mind.
ReplyDeleteOther than being stressed we laughed a lot that weekend. Talking about how close our babies would be together. And how there birthdays would be only a month a part. If it wouldv'e been positive. I would've gotten positive :)
But, the fact that I LOVE being preggers and my pregnant time would be happening again before I even had a chance to miss being pregnanat... have another baby, before I could even MISS having a baby. Is what made me really sad. Not to mention.. TMI warning... I was like HOW THE HELL IS MY VAGINA GOING TO HOLD UP???? And DAMN, those friggin contractions HURT!!! And didn't feel ready for that again. But, I am relieved that it's not time yet. Ideally we want the babies to be 2-3 years apart.