Catching Up

It's been a whole six months since I've written a blog! There's a few excuses as to why..the move, the being busy, the rebuilding old friendships and making new ones. And another reason is my journal. I found some of my old journals and I loved reading through them so much that I started journaling on old fashioned paper again. There's something to not have to filter and censor yourself as well.
But, I've decided to revisit blogging. I mean, it's the thing to do these days right? Logan is so talented and learning so many new things at this fun and amazing age it's nice to be able to share it with other people. Maybe I'll actually try not to censor myself so much?

Logan just turned 1. What a year it's been! I feel so privileged that not only have I been able to stay with him this entire year, he has also been breastfeed these whole 12 months. Now that he's one we're supposed to be able to introduce milk. But, Logan seems to have milk allergy so we need to see the Dr to see what we can do in place of milk. But, since I'm still not working or anything for now we're able to keep up on breastfeeding.

There might be some changes in the Betts family near future so stay tuned.

Reflecting on Twenty Ten

2010

what.a.year.

I loved being pregnant. I was so anxious and excited to meet my baby. To find out what I would be having and to experience being a mom for the first time.
I was so proud of myself to give birth naturally and have an amazing and beautiful baby boy. We were so very blessed to discover the bilateral club foot he was diagnosed with in utero was not nearly as bad as they predicted. Rather mild in fact.
This has been the best year of my life because never have I had so much love in my heart.

Sure, parenthood has come with it's financial struggles.

Jeremy works so hard, and puts so much pressure on himself to care for his family. Never once has he spoken negatively, or ever made me feel bad about my decision to be a stay at home mom. Instead he praises it.

In 2010 I finally stopped being such a hermit and reconnected with some dear friends. I can only hope that 2011 lets those friendships grow stronger.

There's big changes coming in 2011. A new house, new opportunities, hopefully less stress and more well being.

Thank you to all my friends and family for being in my life. I can't wait to see what 2011 brings us!

J.A.B.

So, we've decided to move and we're getting pretty excited about it. Now, our attention has turned to our pooch Jab. He's got another bad ear infection. We've already taken him to two different vets three different times. The first vet said he had ear mites and gave us a ear solution ($80+ visit). But, the problem didn't go away. The 2nd vet said he had an ear infection. Gave him a shot, give us antibiotics to give him, and two different ear solutions ($200+ visit). We followed all the directions and he was really improving and doing better for awhile. Then we started to notice that every time he'd get excited he'd start to shake his head. So, we took him back to the vet and we were told that sometimes dogs with floppy ears can have chronic ear problems. And he just had "problem ears". So, now even thou Jeremy is cleaning his ears 2-3 times a week the problem seems to be back bad again.

     We just don't know what to do. We of course want to take him to another vet... a better vet. Not some discount mini-mall vet like last time. But, even that visit was $200+ dollars. We just don't have the extra fundage right now. It's terrible. I feel like a horrible pet owner. Part of me says I should find another home for him, one that can afford to take care of his chronic ear problem. But, a bigger part of me says no way. He's the sweetest, best trained, most wonderful dog. I don't wanna loose him as my pup. Plus, he's great with Logan and I can't wait to watch them grow together.
Jab never whines or complains but with all the head shaking I know it's just driving him CRAZY. I really wish we could make this just go away. :(

To move or not to move....??



Us at our Current Rental House that we Love

 So, as I've already vented we're having some problems keeping up on our bills. Luckily our landlords have been pretty cool about it. However one can only be cool for so long when it comes to money.
  Jeremy's boss Dustin has a house very very close to the shop they work at. He has a house with a fully furbished basement. Recently it became available and he told Jeremy he'd like us to move in. It's the same size or bigger than our current place. 2 bedrooms a media room, kitchen, living, laundry closet, full bath, and fully fenced back yard. Also Dustin lives upstairs and has a dog himself. So, our pups could have fun playing together.

We currently pay $1000 a month for rent. Nothing included. Just rent. The basement would be $900 a month EVERYTHING included. W/S/G, heat, electricity, cable, Internet. It would save us upwards of $300 a month.

Our current place has old Berber carpet. The new place has brand new nice carpet. The media room comes furnished with a 62" tv, surround sound, and computer. I love our current kitchen so much. The new place has a much smaller kitchen than I'd like. With a half size stove.. I mean, we would literally have to cut Papa Murphy's pizza's in half to cook them.

Dustin and Jeremy work together and Dustin doesn't like the idea that we only have one vehicle and Jeremy takes it to work everyday, leaving me at home with the baby and no transportation. Dustin said him and Jeremy would commute to work together. Which would also save us some money on gas. Also, if Jeremy had short days he could take a work truck back home.

Lastly, I informed Dustin of our current rent situation and how understanding our landlords have been. Dustin said, not only would he also be cool and understanding and not do any late charges or anything.... But, being Jeremy's boss he would pretty much guarantee that Jeremy got hours so there wouldn't be a problem paying rent.

I'm on the fence. We already have storage issues, and this place has even less storage.
Moving sucks. Period. The next time we moved I was hoping to move to a larger place to prepare for a 2nd baby. Yet, the pro's are really good. Saving $300 + a month is pretty much our car payment. Plus, the bonus of more hours and carpooling to work......

I don't know what to do?

Any thoughts or advice??

Been in a Funk

I've been in some sort of funk lately that I just can't seem to shake. I'm always the one who tries to stay so positive for our family's sake. Always saying, "Don't worry we'll make it through.. we always do...". But, it doesn't mean I am not stressing too. And when your landlord sends you a 3 day pay or vacate notice instead of a Christmas card things get really heavy.
We knew going into this new job for Jeremy it would be slow to start. But, damn. I am at least grateful he has a job he really likes, and that he's proud of. I guess my funk started with the hopes of my new weekend job slipping away. I came off so confident about it. I was sure I had it. But, it was just a working interview and when I called back to see if I was supposed to be back this weekend they said they had another working interview to do and they'd call me back.
The daycare thing is great. But, I just have 1 baby 20-26 hours a week. That's not bringing in much money. However it is bringing in about how much I would bring home if I worked full time and had Logan in daycare full time.
I just feel like our hole keeps getting deeper and deeper and I just don't know how we're gonna get out of it. It's scary. I try and tell myself there are many people going through these hard times in this economic depression. I guess it's just hard to feel like you're not doing the best by your baby. We don't even have a Christmas tree, and the only present we have for Logan is some used baby clothes. I'm glad he's too young to realize what's going on and I really hope we have our shit together before he's old enough to realize it. Hopefully one day it's something we just look back on and laugh. "Boy times we're tough for us in the begining...".
It's just damn depressing.

Sleeping Arrangements

Since we brought Logan home from the Hospital he's either slept in our bed or in a bassinet next to our bed. I would've liked to do some more bed sharing but, I was more nervous about Jeremy in the bed then myself. He even accidentally elbowed Logan in the head one time. The bassinet was nice thou cause I could just sit up and see him right there next to me. Being able to make sure he didn't have blankets over his face and that he was breathing.

I didn't know when I would be ready to let him sleep in his own crib and his own room. It's such a comfort to have him within arms reach and to be able to just swoop him up and feed him right in bed when we're both tired.

Recently Logan got a little cold and the congestion had him up every 1-2 hours. Even after he was recovered he was still getting up frequently. Possibly because he still needed extra nutrients to get over his cold.

Also, he started moving and making a lot more little noises in his sleep which were constantly getting me up. When Daddy's alarm clock when off in the morning, that would get Logan up.
Finally I felt ready..I thought it might be time.. for both of us.. to let Logan sleep in his very own crib in his very own room.

The first night was rough! Not for Logan... for Mommy. I had a terrible dream that I left Logan home alone because one of my neighbors was gonna come over and check on him. But, the neighbor was gone and no matter what I did I couldn't get back home. I kept running into problems. So, I was calling everyone I could to see if they could go over and check on him. I finally made it home and my brother was kneeling over his lifeless body. I woke up in a panic. Threw the blankets off and ran into Logan's room. Picked him right up and held him and kissed him.

  How silly. Maybe I wasn't quite ready yet? The nights since have been great. He's been sleeping 5-7 hours before waking up for a feeding. We're both sleeping better and we're well rested and happy. I think it helps him too cause he's learning to comfort himself back to sleep. Making him a little more independent. In fact he's taken to sucking his thumb. I'm so proud of my big boy.

Logan is not going to be a big brother....yet

Logan had an appointment on Friday at his new Dr. It's the doc he's been assigned to from the Community Health Plan. It's nice cause it's super close.
WIC advised me earlier in the day I could get my birth control prescription refilled at his appointment.
The Doc was fine to do it but, said she would need to pee test me first just to make sure. I thought nothing of it. Then the nurse walked in the room with a concerning look on her face! I thought maybe she was messing with me. Then she looked from me to the Dr and said "Um....there's two lines. I mean, the 2nd line is like super light.. but, still....there's two". I couldn't do anything but nervous laugh... it MUST be a joke I thought.
Then they blood tested me to make sure. They said the results would be in Monday morning.
So, I went home and fell into Jeremy's arms bawling. His first reaction was that something was wrong with our baby. "Cassie.. hey, what's wrong?? Caaassssie...talk me please... what's wrong.. what happened?" "I might be PREGNANT." I howled.
     "Is that all?? It's okay...why are you crying??" "Cause I MIGHT BE PREGNANT! I don't wanna be pregnant yet." hello!
His thoughts were.. well, if we are it is what it is and if there is another baby in there we gotta take care of it and be happy.

All weekend I wondered and waited. I knew that my body was just NOT ready to go thru another pregnancy and labor. Plus, that would make our babies be about 13 months apart. Ridiculous. Not to mention the financial aspect. And most of all I was really depressed that I would be done making babies so soon. I loved being pregnant, and I totally LOVE having a baby. And of course we want Logan to be a big brother.. ONE DAY. That day is just not yet. Jeremy wants two and strictly TWO babies. So, the thought that my babies would be so close in age and I would be done with babies so soon really made me sad. Also, I knew it was not fair to Logan. He's our baby and he totally deserves his own time in the limelight. We would like about a two year age difference. It would also mean "missing out" on another summer. No traveling.. no camping.. no nothing once again cause of caring for a newborn.
So, whew boy am I relieved.
I was also worried what people might think of me. How my family may react. How irresponsible to get pregnant so soon. I am so grateful to just be a mommy of ONE for now.
Jeremy was dead set that if we had a boy he would name him Renegade Sly Betts. So...like I said THANK GOODNESS WE'RE NOT PREGNANT.